Friday 22 February 2013

Hooray For Mollywood, Don’t Bother With The Horror, Edition!


Molly The Wally & Hooray for Mollywood!

Yesterday in Mollywood we had a look at some really awful films and gosh were they bad. We wonder if any of you will dare to watch them? OK so now we take a look at the Sci-fi and Horror genre. Get ready, it is not some much creepy as crappy. We bring you some of the biggest stinkers ever to come out of Tinsel Town. Stinkier than tripe on a hot day! Yes, more smelly than those socks you have in your basket! It is our all time howling bad horrors.  


We could not start without visiting our dear friend Ed Wood Jr again. So without further ado let’s go and check out Plan 9 From Outer Space made in 1959. Crowned as the worst movie ever made in the 1980 The Golden Turkey Awards, this is a real stinker. Despite a lack of resources our fine friend managed to stage an alien invasion epic. We have an amateur cast, a cardboard cemetery, flying saucers that would make a Frisbee look high tech and the best bit an airplane cockpit made from a shower curtain and a couple of chairs. Some unrelated footage of his now dead friend Bela Lugosi finishes off this epic Turkey. 


Unfortunately John Travolta made himself a laughing stock in the stonkingly bad Battlefield Earth released in 2000. The film is set in the year 3000, a millennium after The Master Race has invaded Earth and enslaved humanity. Mr Travolta plays a 10 foot alien with dreadlocks, nose plugs and KISS style boots. What this movie lacks in simple logic it makes up for in unintentional camp acting by the bucket load. After the first half hour world extinction would seem like not such a bad idea. A folly so supreme, it inspires awe in the sense that so many people spent so much time and money on it without ever realising just how bad it was.




Robot Monster was made in 1953 and really gave Mr Wood something to worry about when it comes to props. Whist Mr.Woods’ aliens looked like middle-aged men dressed in baking foil Mr.Tuckers’ Moon Monsters are truly out of this world. Would you believe our cosmic neighbours are gorilla robots that wear diving helmets and sport genocide inducing bubble machines? Originally it was released in 3 D and is so funny that like Plan 9 From Outer Space it is compelling for its bizarre plot and dialogue. So bad it is actually good!


The Howling II, Your Sister Is A Werewolf was released in 1985. Christopher Lee, stars as an occult investigator who has to take on the werewolf Queen Stirba and her minions. Firstly what kind of name is Striba? You also get an exploding dwarf and a drunken werewolf orgy in this horrible horror. The funniest thing comes in the credits where Sybil Danning rips her clothes off and this shown over and over again. But hey ho they saved money on the lighting. You can't actually see anything which I suppose is a blessing. Oh and you’d not want to miss Frankie Goes To Hollywood looking band singing about the pale, pale light of the moon glow. Fangtastic not! 


The Giant Claw was made in 1957 and is an epic about a giant bird that comes from a parallel universe and terrorizes us mere earthlings. Cheap puppetry makes it look like earth was being attacked by a giant mutant Gonzo from the Muppets crossed with a plucked buzzard. The film was one of many invader movies released in the 50's but this one beats all the others paws down with its’ cheesy dialogue, wooden acting and a goofy plot. Look at those googly eyes and check out that scrawny neck as it screeches and caws, swooping through the air grabbing aeroplanes and gobbling up pilots and crew. Brilliant!

Death Bed, The Bed That Eats has got to be one of the weirdest titles for a movie ever. Mind boggling this came out in 1977. In 2003 it had a re-release giving us the chance to marvel at the four poster bed from Hell. Wow you get to see boudoir centrepiece from Hades sucking hippies dry and leaving only skeletons as it munches it way through some not so cool dudes. Someone must have been partaking in some mind altering substances to have come up with this one. Oh and the bed even tries to get healthy by eating an apple and then spitting out the core. Yep definitely mind boggling!  

Shark Attack 3, Megalodon came out in 2002 and is the tale of a giant prehistoric shark chomping its way through the population without even burping. Yes this mummy megalodon swallows jet skiers and life rafts full of survivors whole grunting loudly in appreciation of it human snacks. The acting is horrible, the dialogue is horrible and the special effects are horrible which as adds up to one and a half hours of unbridled laughter.




Frogs made in 1972 see some slimy amphibians that live in The Everglades organising a nasty rebellion. It starts with a party celebrating the birthday of a wheelchair bound Southern patriarch Jason Crockett and then introduces us to a chemical industry magnate whose pesticides are responsible for much of the toxic pollution found in the swamps. The party comes to an abrupt halt when thousands of local creepy crawlies (no not Dogton Abbey) decide to crash the party. Brilliant! Menacing swamp bullfrogs, snakes, insects, and snapping turtles chomp and tear their way through the cast. Not a dull moment and a high body count will guarantee you will never see The Everglades in the same light again.

In 1975 someone came up with the notion that a spider invasion would make for a cool movie. The Giant Spider Invasion is about yes spiders but not just your ordinary spider but spiders from another dimension. Daddy spider was created by putting a huge spider costume on a car whilst extras waived its numerous legs in the air. You have to actually wait 50 minutes until you see the giant spider but it is well worth it. Reminded us a carnival parade float gone horribly wrong. 

And lastly the best of all is The Swarm made in 1978. Killer bees migrate to the United States from Africa via South America in this disaster film. This triumph of a turkey starts Michael Caine as the expert entomologist Brad Crane who shows up at a secret military base full of dead soldiers.  Now the soldiers are the victims of the killer bees and their amazingly potent venomous stings. Eventually, the bees stage a massacre in Marysville and then set their beady sights on Houston. The military and the use of pesticides and some firebombing won’t stop impending disaster. When the killer bees spelt out kill on the window of the car we nearly fell out of our seats laughing.

So if you fancy some really bad movies this weekend we think we got it covered. Sit back and enjoy Oscar weekend! Next week in Mollywood we take a look at what films we would like to remake and how would they look after a Molly Makeover?

40 comments:

  1. Molly you have highlighted some of Momz favorite guilty pleasures...Nothing like watching a totally awful sci fi film...she's got a whole list of films like this that never fail to cheer her up on a bad day Happy Friday!

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  2. We are shaking in our booties here in NC. S C A R Y stuff.
    Mom normally avoids scary movies...she is such a girl!!
    Jaws, The Shining, The Birds (Alfred Hitchcock) The Alien were some of the ones she screamed in back in her hayday
    Hugs Madi your BFFF

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  3. Some of those look scary. Our Lady has never seen one, but we bet our Man who loves horror movies has! lee and phod

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  4. Oi Molly!
    Realmente, você selecionou filmes assustadores!!
    Gostei doas suas fotos, principalmente a de óculos...rs
    Meu blog fala sobre animais, dê uma passadinha por lá!
    Bjs...Magda

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  5. ...a Molly Makeover sounds great ...the bed that eats? ... should I better sleep in a really dog bed? ...sounds scary ;o) Have a wonderful friday and be careful with your bed ;o)

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  6. Good thing MOM is not such a big fan of scary movies. Oh she does not get scared just not what she would CHOOSE to watch. Although I think it would be funny to watch that 3D Robot Monster one.
    Blessings,
    Goose

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  7. I would love to see some Molly makeovers! That Claw movie looks terrifying!

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  8. We hate scary movies at our house cos mom gets all tense and mags and i bark!!! Have a great day Molly!!
    stella rose

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  9. I'm happy to say I've never seen any of these! Horror movies do make me laugh sometimes. I don't watch many of them anymore because my boyfriend doesn't really like them.

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  10. Hi Molly, the only scary thing about these movies are the cast, I do'nt think they should give up there day jobs!

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  11. GOOD MORNING MIZ MOLLYWOOD! I cannot wait to see what you will be wearing on the red carpet, as I suspect you are going to be there greeting and interviewing the stars as they walk up to the theatre?

    I am happy to report that I have NOT seen these crappers! My husband is an avid collector of "B" movies from the 1950s, but at least many of them are iconic films from that era and they are decent and they are what they are. I actually enjoy them on a Friday night with a pizza!

    WOO you really brought out the stinkers today...smells like Gorgonzola to me! teehee

    UNTIL TOMORROW!

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  12. I am familiar with many of these because my daughter loves horrible horror & sci-fi films (ha).

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  13. We are Shivering and Shaking just THINKING about these scary movies.

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  14. I think I better watch out for that giant claw thing Mayor Molly!

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  15. Hello, Miss Molly. I got your message about the Share It Sunday and would love if you would highlight one of my poems (I love to write poems) - An Ode on Bacon (http://www.oztheterrier.com/2010/09/ode-on-bacon.html). Please let me know when I should send you my nominee. You can email me at Oztheterrier at yahoo dot com.

    Oh, and I am your newest follower! I love making new friends.
    Oz

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  16. Woof! Woof! We are not big fans of horror movies ... no scary dreams for us. Happy Friday. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

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  17. Those look pretty scary! I think I will stick to watching the Waltons....

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  18. I am a huge horror/sci-fi fan, but I like the modern, high-tech special effects.....

    Now, for the bad movies in the 50's, I can give them a lot of benefit of the doubt. Technology just wasn't there yet so they had to work w/ what they had. The 70's still deserve a little leeway....but as you move on from there bad special effects just make for bad movies!

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  19. I can say with intense gratitude, that I have not seen ONE of these movies. :-) Thanks for the laugh Molly, you're take on these movies is hysterical.

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  20. Oh Molly, nothing better than those old scary movies
    Benny & Lily

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  21. I was beginning to think I had not seen a one of those movies till I got to The Swarm. Yep saw that one. I kind of liked it. What does that say about me?
    Thanks for being a friend
    Sweet William The Scot

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  22. Mom and dad love laughing at bad movies. Thats why they are such fans of MST3K ( a show that just makes fun of bad movies). We have seen the giant spider invasion on MST3k and mom and dad love Ed Wood its too funny, we have also seen Swarm. May we suggest another dreadful and little known movie Virus, its a hoot

    urban hounds

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  23. Thanks for pointing out our picture problem in todays post we think we fixed it

    urban hounds

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  24. We don't watch sci-fi so we didn't see any of those movies. We think you should be on the red carpet. Can your mom drive (fly) you there for the Oscars?

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley
    Online Doods

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  25. BOL! Mom loves sci-fi movies, especially the old ones! Terrific list Molly!

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  26. Those are actually very cool looking films, we love those bizarre Sci-fi ones. Mum thinks she has seen Howling II, having said that, it could have been one or 3, haha.
    Dip Bridge and Elliot x

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  27. Haven't seen any of those...didn't know they existed and probably won't see them ever.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella &Roxy

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  28. Looking at all these horror movies makes Mommy glad she isn't much into movies. :D

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  29. Ya know, I think our mom and dad should ditch the boring documentaries they usually watch and try some of these! Ha woo.
    Luv,
    Dave

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  30. OK I will admit it, I have a thing for films about attacking insects, fish, birds, amphibians. Next to zombies, can't think of any better kinds of movies...lol.

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  31. Those look pretty terrible Molly!! Have a great weekend, and try not to watch any bad movies eh!!

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  32. I am sorry to say I know of these movies. The John Travolta movie is somehow based on something to do with Scienetology. Have a wonderful night.

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  33. I amb looking teu star in the major feature film... The Boy Wheu Ate Becans!

    wif lubbs from Little Reufus

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  34. Our Mama is a scifi and horror fan, she loves the old 50s movies. She admits that she has seen The Giant Claw and almost fell off the sofa laughing. You forgot one however, look for Night of the Lepus. Giant bunnies terrorized the countryside. We kid you not!

    Purrs,
    Cindi Lou & The Kitty Krew

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  35. Some of the old horror films are fantastic--often quite hilarious, if not scary--but these selections look terrible! Don't know where you sniffed them out, Molly, but maybe you should bury them. ;-)

    Susan and Wrigs

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  36. Surprisingly I don't think daddy has seen any of those. Think he maybe he should check them out though BOL

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  37. My mom will shut her eyes, covered her ears and stop breathing if she watches those movies but she will tell everybody that the movie isn't scary at all when she comes out from the cinema looking pale and sick :))

    ~Eva

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  38. BOL! Ya know I probably shouldn't tell ya this butt Mom really likes to watch Awfully Bad Sci-Fi movies - she's particularly fond of the japanese ones like Godzilla - Shakin my head.

    Waggin at ya,
    Roo

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