Friday 19 April 2013

Dog House Blog Homeland Security 10 Top Tips.


Molly The Wally Homeland Security.

Molly The Wallys' Top Ten Homeland Security Tips.


As all of you are aware I take my ‘Homeland Security’ duties very seriously and thus I impart to you my top tips at keeping your domain safe and your humans and furry friends protected.

10 Spy dogs select your vantage point with care and remember the number one objective of a spy is to blend in. You’ll know if you have succeeded if a passer-by jumps out of their skin when you bark at them.

9 Less gear means better mobility, so carry only essential items vital to your operation and survival. I suggest a bottle of water and some snacks. Remove your dog collar if it has an identity tag, remember you are under deep cover.

8 Learning how to eavesdrop will help you gather intelligence in even the trickiest places. You were born with super hearing so use it. Conceal the fact that you’re listening by pretending to be asleep or just look like you are having a good groom. Keep a note of what you hear as it may be used as evidence later.

7 If you are out and about, there may be too much noise, so reading lips can give you a huge eavesdropping advantage. You may even be able to follow distant conversations using pair of binoculars. This works particularly well when spying on the neighbours.

6 Learning how to lie and how to detect lies is vital for ‘Homeland Security’. People who lie usually look shifty and tend not to be able to look you in the eye. Practice staring and learn to sniff out sweaty nervous individuals.

5 People are often on the move so learn how to tail people. Always have a backup plan if you’re observed. Keep objects such as poop bins, trees and other humans in your trajectory so that you can hide behind if spotted.

4 The best covert work takes place under cover of darkness, so be sure you can actually see what’s going on. Invest in night goggles or an infra-red camera and make sure you eat plenty of carrots. 

3 A spy will always need to be on their toes and spying can be quite an exhausting occupation so keep yourself in tip top condition. Walking and running long distances will keep you fit and help you stay alert. Sleeping on the job is unacceptable and you may miss something exciting.

2 Learn the habits and routines of anyone you are spying on as this will help you anticipate their next move. Therefore you should know what time the mail comes, what day the bins are emptied and any such other regular activity that goes on, in your patch.

1 Most importantly when sounding the alarm make sure everybody can hear you. Practice barking regularly and try different pitches to see which ones are responded to with most fear. Growl like you mean it and make sure this accompanied by fearless stance and terrifying stare.

Learn to think on your feet, be resourceful, be inventive, be creative and keep your home and love ones safe at all times. 

38 comments:

  1. What great advice! I'm gonna run and tell Mommy right now that we gotta print out your list and practice all of it. We already got down #1 and are quite good at it too.

    Hugs,
    Lily Belle

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    1. Hi Lily Belle and thank you! My fav is Nos 10 , I love giving passers-by a fright!
      Best wishes Molly

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  2. Hmmm....you've given me some great ideas to use with my alert system. Thanks for the tips Molly.

    Woof Woof

    Ebony

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    1. Hi Ebony welcome and thank you.
      Best wishes Molly

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  3. Hi Molly The Wally,
    My Name is Bert and I am a deputy in blogville. You have such wisdom I am so glad My Vickie found your blog. I shall learn much from you, I can just tell. I will be your newest follower. I bow to your wisdom.

    Bert

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    1. Hi Handsome Bert deputy of Blogville!Thank you for your kind words.
      Best wishes Molly

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  4. MOLLY... you gotta talk to my Cussin SARGE about join HIM and Bert on the Blogville PAWlice Force. They have a grrrreat time.. keepin everybuddy safe and solvin crimes and stuffs.

    THIS was a super duper post... I especially liked the Eatin of CARROTS pawt.

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    1. Frankie Furter and Ernie glad to hear ye all take your duties seriously. I have my own pawlice pals too, see my very first blog and then some. I did join Sarges' site the other day. Lets keep our eyes peeled and remember let's be safe out there.
      Best wishes Molly

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  5. heehehee Molly dat was reelly funny, i enjoy eet when yoo dus a top tenn!!! butt whot is yoo weyrin?!! heehhe is datt a paiyr owf hooman pantyknickers own yoor heed?!!?? heehee love n likkers, pdorg xox

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    1. Hi Posie , huh that's not knickers that's my scarf from my dressing up box , although I have been known to drag laundry round the house. You know just trying to help out. More top ten coming soon , suggest one you'd like too see and thank you.
      Best wishes Molly

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  6. Dis be bery insightful and impawtant. I already practicing new strategies after Mum read did to me. We be grateful for your wisdom. And I don't fink your costume looks dumb at all. (Mum made me say dat last part.)

    @DearClyde

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    1. @dearClyde thank you and where are you?
      Best wishes Molly

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  7. Boy you sure are good at homeland security! Thanks for the tips!

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    1. Thank you so much, loves and licks,
      best wishes Molly

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  8. Hi Molly - It's Leonardo here...that was a superb and most entertaining top 10 guidelines for being a guard dog! Hey Molly - I love your spy outfit - blending in with the humans and going undercover! Superb! Have you thought about auditioning as the next James Bond, 007, with all your amazing spy tips? XXX

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    1. As always Ali love 2 u both and as always thanks.
      Best wishes Molly and Leo is on our furry friend page!!!

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  9. WHOAH! Molly girl, YOU ARE ONE TOP DOG! You really know your onions!!!!!

    teeehee......this is so darn fun. DID YOU COME BY WAY OF GEORGE THE LAD???? Today has been the funnest blog day; I have been visited by some NEW dogs on the block and I am loving it. THANKS FOR COMING OVER and I so love your profile pictures...OMG those EYES!!!!!!!

    GREAT TIPS!!

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    1. Hi CC&C thank you for stopping by. I found you via Posie and loved it so much joined straight away. I have just started a new blog 'Share it Sunday' let me know if you wish to participate with your great pictures. Check out today and thank you re my profile pic.
      Best wishes Molly

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  10. OMD!
    Thanks a lot for sharing them!
    Now I know how to be a better guard dog!
    Happy Saturday!
    Kisses and hugs
    Lorenza

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    1. Hi Lorenza
      Thank you and Happy Sunday back!
      Best wishes Molly

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  11. Hey Molly - have you considered a career in MI5 or MI6? X

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    1. Yea Ali, MFI and KFC rejected me.
      Best wishes Molly

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  12. Molly we hope you are all feeling better at your pad.. xx00xx

    Mollie and Alfie

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  13. Oh Molly...I (Sammy) am an absolute PRO at No.1...the rest need work.
    Have a grrreat weekend,
    Sammy (and Wally)

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  14. Yep, Riley's got number 1 down pat! :) Great list.

    Have a great weekend!

    Elyse and Riley

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  15. Tose are all so good Molly and I shall practice my barking!

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  16. Woof! Woof! I need to learn #1 as I am not a barker and/or growler. I like to do lots of Golden Smiles. Happy Friday n Weekend. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

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  17. I'm an expert in point 1 - but I'm bad in lip reading... I always understand "treats"... meaybe that's because I read with my 7 stomachs:o) Have a wonderful weekend, dear Molly.

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  18. Awesome advice, Molly. Personally, I use the "pretend I am sleeping" ruse a lot. 1. No one suspects a thing and 2. you are well-rested for those times when you need to pounce, brak and growl your fool-head off. BOL
    *Cairn cuddles*
    Oz

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  19. Good ideas for a more secure environment!

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  20. Thanks for the tips! I am a great homeland security officer, but I don't blend in to well.

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  21. We like your ideas Molly, it beats our 'go into a frenzy of barking' method, no matter who it is!
    Dip Bridge and Elliot x

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  22. I'll have Rita go over these tips, as she is head of H.S. here.

    (Lip reading. Too funny.)

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  23. Gabby the little terrier saw the post first so she then ran to drag out of my scarfs so she could look like you, so Cricket our Boxer snuck a peek and then tried on my sunglasses but got mad because they kept falling off so she chewed them up for fun. Last but never least Jayda our our Perfect pound puppy now 12 and quite wise , started speed reading this post then ran over to practice her growling at Spotty dotty the cat. ~ Jayda said I couldn't scold her as you recommended growling practice... hmm if you keep this up I will have to ban them from the computer. Hee hee

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  24. Great tips Molly! So nice to meet you.. I am traveling from George the Lads blog. I LOVE your photos. Great sunglasses!
    Penny

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  25. Those are the greatest tips, Molly! I think I'm pretty good at NO. 1 but there are so many for me to learn too.

    Got to zoom now as I need to start practise!

    ~Eva

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  26. Poppy is taking notes. Right now she's outside practicing no.'s 10, 9, and 1. Before she left for reconnaissance, I was instructed to tell you to add the art of fox hole digging and camouflage to the list. Rolling in the dirt left by digging a good hole helps to blend in better.

    Yours,
    Nanina and Poppy

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  27. We would never be a good spy dog... we haven't learned to be quiet and listen... People know we are around IMMEDIATELY.

    Shelle, Milo, Dixie and Newby,
    http://simpaticodreams.blogspot.com/

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