Molly The Wally. All About Me, Myself and I, three of my most favourite words!
Molly (full title: Molly The Wally) dog genius and Pawlitzer Prize-winning author. I am the illegitimate love-pup of ‘Originality and ‘Creativity with a hint of mockery, derision and cynicism. Both parents have disowned me!
Seriously parentage dubious, mother King Charles Cavalier Spaniel, father Unknown! Born in puppy farm and sold in a public house before being rescued by my human at 17 weeks old...cue sympathy vote. Born with abnormally long auricles which flap when running and I can virtually be seen taking off on windy days. Other features include button nose, large sorrowful eyes, rather long proboscis and teeth to die for.
Formative years spent learning about the trials and tribulations of human ownership and developing the ability to push the boundaries as far as needed to achieve desired objective.
Characteristics include an easy going manner, humility and open-mindedness, never having been prone to opinionated outbursts or hissy fits. I have no diva tendencies whatsoever but when writing do insist on Cristal champagne. one box of bendy straws. one special attendant to dispose of chewed slippers. two boxes of Pukka pies. cable television. two 6ft sofas and six fluffy cushions on each, colour white.
My Home Suburbia in’ Good Old Blighty’.
Destructive behaviour: none! However visit the garden and it may look like a war zone with numerous holes, plants destroyed, chewed up plant pots and mangled toys everywhere but that’s nothing to do with me.
Sleeping arrangements: basket. However when full of cartons, wrappers, chewed up slippers and post, bed will do but space management is an issue as I need to stretch out.
Sleeping arrangements: basket. However when full of cartons, wrappers, chewed up slippers and post, bed will do but space management is an issue as I need to stretch out.
Most desired location: Home. Apart from sleeping quarters best places are, oven, fridge, ping-ping microwave, dog bowl and lastly dustbin but not in any particular order.
My Human
Known to have an ego larger than the north face of The Eiger and rarely acts maturely. Needs regular exercise but must be walked at the end of a leash for safety reasons. Prone to gluttony as seldom gives me any left-overs and known to partake of the devil water which often leaves them acting their shoe size not their age. However as all dogs know the trouble is with human ownership you can’t help but love these over-demanding, over-dependant but affectionate creatures.
Mini-Me!
Talents
Speaks Dog, some Cat, English, Latin and currently learning Mandarin. Flamboyant, erudite writer known to pen some of the most learned musings since Confucius. Acute sense of smell and can scent out the precise location of any desired food substance miles away. Fearless protector of suburbia hunting down vermin on a regular basis and when not, head of ‘Neighbourhood Watch’ from excellent vantage point on back rest of the sofa.
Many other talents but too numerous to mention and far too modest and bashful to do so.
Favourite Foods
Anything to do with the Atkins Diet.
Most Disliked Foods
Dried kibbles particularly kibble-lite which resemble the remains of my disintegrating logs. Pet hates are anything green and I have a troubling triangular allergy.
Hobbies
Karaoke, wrapper collecting and looking at myself in the mirror when no one is looking. I am a connoisseur and a world renowned collector of tennis balls.
Pet Likes
Pet Likes
Johnny Depp, Monty Don, Boris Johnson (but not his bikes) and sometimes DC my vet and my human. Love food, hunting, sleeping and eating.
Pet Hates
Vermin, Boris’ bikes, The Hong Kong Fooies, local postman and sometimes DC my vet and my human. Hates the cat Hideous Beast (technically not included in vermin but should be), wind farms, pyrotechnics, bath-time and Wenlock the London 2012 Olympic mascot.
My ambitions
Simply world domination, followed by universal supremacy and finally intergalactic hegemony.
My Portraits!
The Nose Knows!
Manga Molly!
What No More Treats!
