Bog Blog I0 Things Not To Do!

My Top Ten Things I should not do but can't resist.

10 Things I must remember not to do as I am a good dog, well sometimes!

10 I will not roll on dead squirrels, birds or rodents just because I like the way they smell. The smell of rotting carcasses is very unpleasant to my human, although it’s like Channel to me. The stinkier is better school of thought does not go with indoor living. 

9 The sofa, bedspread or human’s legs are not napkins. It is not nice to wipe my face over soft furnishings particularly after eating a tripe dinner. Must remember to use the back of the sofa instead as no one can see me.

8 The rubbish collector is not stealing my stuff and I must not bark incessantly at the bin men. Must remember when no one is looking take the good stuff out of the bin first, it’s only a crime if you get caught.

7 I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table. This should be avoided at all costs when there a hot beverage on top, a lap full of hot tea is not appreciated.

6 I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house, not after. I must not bound upstairs and dry myself on the bed or the carpet. Carpet cleaner and dry cleaning costs are just another unnecessary expensive.

5 The cat is not a toy so when I chase him and he runs away it usually means he doesn’t want to play. I must remember that cats have feeling too, but usually feelings of revenge. Be on guard at all times for potential feline intruders.

4 I must not boycott shampoo and then demand the real pooh! Rolling in such stuff is not acceptable behaviour and will only result in bath-time. Running out into the garden to roll in the flower bed after a bath is not appreciated as is shaking ones’ self dry all over my human.

3 I must not rip the mail out of the letter box as soon as the postman has delivered it. However it is OK to snatch the junk mail and give the deliverer a fright. Ripped up junk mail should be put into the bin, only after it has been secretly emptied of any potential snack.

2 I must not drink from muddy puddles and then lay down in them for a mud bath. Drinking from the toilet bowl is also real no no, as is jumping up to lick water straight from the tap. Continuing on the water theme tipping over my drinking bowl for fun is not a good move as out comes the dreaded mop.

And lastly

1 I must not eat grass and then go and be sick on the lounge carpet. I am not a cow so therefore green things should be avoided. Hiding behind a tree trunk to eat grass no longer works so need to be more inventive.

Remember it’s only a crime if you get caught, so be sly, be cunning, be devious and then you can sit smugly polishing your halo! What the eye doesn’t see, you can do with glee but when the eyes are a looking there will be trouble cooking. So endeth the law according to Molly and don't forget your human is for life, not just for Christmas!,.