Piffle Prize, Poison Pen Awards 2!

Mollys' funny alternative Nursery Rhymes.

A new campaign has been launched to save traditional British rhymes and songs amid fears they are dying out. The push follows sanitised, more upbeat versions of classic nursery rhymes, including Humpty Dumpty, being taught to children. In one updated version the hero didn't have a great fall but instead bungee jumped. We are awarding this story, the second of our ‘Piffle Prize, Poison Pen Awards’ for ridiculous stories! Shock horror, I have to report that Humpty Dumpty wasn’t even an egg but a cannon and therefore no chicken related product was harmed in the writing of this nursery rhyme. We have asked guest reporter Quentin Tourettetinno to give us his top ten politically incorrect nursery rhymes.

Starting a numero uno is.......

1 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

2 There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad...
She got a fur coat, diamonds, a sports car and an uptown apartment.

3 Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.

 

4 Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her keards and whey,
along came a spider and sat down beside her,
and she ate that too!

 

5 Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He got a black eye to his dismay!

6 Hey diddle, diddle,
The cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
Then died of an electric shock.

7 1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
And if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall...
There'll be no sticks of dynamite and no bl##@y wall!

8 My Bonnie leaned over the gastank,
The height of its contents to see!
She lighted a match better to see,
O, bring back my Bonnie to me!

9 Little Willy used to drink,
But he shall drink no more,
For what he thought was H20
Was H2So4.

And at number 10 pop pickers......

10 Three fried mice,
Three fried mice,
Were rather stunned!
They all ran after
The gangster’s wife,
Who blew off their heads
In the dead of night,
Did you ever see
Such a grisly sight
For three fried mice?

And Happy Official Birthday to Maj from us all!