Thursday, 21 February 2013

Hooray For Mollywood, The Not So Groovy Movie Edition!

Molly The Wally Does Mollywood!

Molly The Wallys’ Top Ten Movie Turkeys. When Hollywood went bad!

With The Oscars Just around the corner we thought we’d take a look at the not so wonderful offerings that have come out of Tinsel Town. So sit back, take a sip of tea and let me take you to Mollywood where it is Turkey Time!

Firstly we head straight to the King of bad Ed Wood Jr and his offering of Glen Or Glenda, made in 1953. Ed Woods’ movies are like a car crash waiting to happen. You know it will be terrible, but for some reason you just have to watch it. Typical Ed Wood! In fact, you might call it Ed at his best i.e. his worst. In the film we see Mr Wood prancing around in a pink angora sweater. There is no real story, no direction, no continuity, no good acting, which all adds up to an unintentionally hilarious contribution to the history of film. I spent the whole time wondering if that sweater was itchy.  Ed pink was so not your colour! Our vote more of a porker than a corker!

One of the greatest turkeys has to b Mommie Dearest made in 1981. Here Faye Dunaway portrays Joan Crawford, with the volume turned up so high you will need some ear plugs handy. Oh my and those eyebrows were nominated for an Oscar in the wildlife category that year for best supporting caterpillars. This outrageously camp biopic is justifiably famous for its excesses, particularly the ‘no wire hangers’ scene. Then we have the script writers who must have had a great time thinking up even more hilarious dialogue for the actors to scream at each other. Terrifying! Blimey after this one you will never look at wire coat hangers or scouring powder in the same way again.

Glitter follows the life of a struggling songstress in the eighties. Mariah did win an award for this film at the 2001 Golden Raspberries for worst actress. This movie is so bad I had the fidgets and I swore time stood still as the ending could not come quick enough. Throughout the movie Mariah has that wide eyed rabbit caught in the headlights look and my foot was mentally on the accelerator. It achieved one thing, giving the audience a good laugh during Mariah's most dramatic scenes. We felt sorry for her having to have read all those negative reviews. Actually no we didn’t after having to suffer through this turkey of a movie.

The general plot of Over Her Dead Body is that Eva Longoria gets killed by an ice sculpture on her wedding day. Yep it starts off promisingly already, doesn’t it? She then comes back and haunts her husband and his new girlfriend. In the end he marries the girlfriend and Eva goes back to wherever boring ghosts go to. Basically, don’t worry about her dead body, worry about dying of boredom from watching this film. Watching paint dry is exhilarating compared to this.

The Hottie and the Nottie stars that well known thespian Paris Hilton so you know hot it is not. You know any film that stars the gaudy, unfunny, self-absorbed, untalented and tasteless Ms PH is going to be a turkey of epic proportions. We understand that Ms Hilton honed her acting skills at the Madonna School of Acting. Her Zombie like acting will leave you colder than a freezer full of turkey twizlers. I guess Paris should stick to her day job, you know the one, Rich Folk Doing Nothing.

What about Pluto Nash? In the future, a man struggles to keep his lunar nightclub out of the hands of the mafia. Remember, Eddie Murphy was in movies like 48 Hours, Beverly Hills Cop and Coming to America? Well forget those as here Eddie is trying out unfunny acting. A film all about an unfunny man, telling unfunny jokes to unfunny people. I’d rather watch a video surveillance film from an empty parking lot than sit through this again. It did achieve one thing, being one biggest box office bomb of all time costing a reported $100 million dollars and only making $7 million at the box office. Ouch that has to have hurt!

Swept away is the story of a snooty socialite stranded on a Mediterranean island with a communist sailor. Why Guy Richie made this terrible film is beyond us? How much more proof that Madonna can't act do we need? Hateful and unlikeable characters along with dreadful dialogue and clueless direction make this the kind of movie you wish was swept away. Guy you should have thrown the film on the cutting room floor for it to be swept away right into the dustbin.

Wow now we are pulling out all the stops with Howard A New Breed Of Hero. Yikes, it is actually about a humanoid duck that comes to Earth where he must stop an alien invader. We bet you’d never guess who was to blame for this creepy abomination? OK, take a deep breath, it was none other than George Lucas. It was nominated for seven Razzie awards, including Worst Director, Worst Original Song (Howard the Duck), and Worst Supporting Actor (Tim Robbins). It won four awards, Worst New Star (human in duck suit), Worst Picture, Worst Screenplay, and Worst Visual Effects. In addition, it was nominated in 1990 for the Worst Picture of the Decade but lost to Mommie Dearest. Sad even then the duck was out of luck.

From Justin to Kelly was a movie about a Texan singing waitress who meets a Pennsylvania college student. Yawn, yawn, they fall for each other, and then spend the rest of the movie trying to get together. What do you get when you take two z-list celebrities from a reality TV show and fling them in front of a camera? The producers of From Justin to Kelly decided to find out, why? The musical numbers are transparently lip synched, there are more holes in plot than Swiss cheese and Kellys’ Texas accent is as fleeting as a mugger in broad daylight. From Justin to Kelly is bad, but Glitter is still worse because Glitter thinks it's a great movie. This is just innocuous vacuous dribble.

And lastly we have the aptly named Burn Hollywood Burn released in 1997. The movie was regarded as one of the worst films of all time, and managed to win five awards (including Worst Picture) at the 1998 Golden Raspberry Awards. The film grossed a stonking $45,000! The film is actually about a film so bad it has everyone running for cover. This really is a case of fiction becoming reality. A spectacularly bad film, breathtakingly incompetent, funny not, ill-conceived and badly executed, written by an illiterate and acted by actors who would make Paris and Madonna look professional.  Think I summed it up. If you really want to watch this one put cotton wool in your ears and super glue your eyelids together and you just might get through it with some degree of sanity.

What movie was a real turkey for you?

So my fine friends tomorrow to salute The Oscars we cast our gaze at the Sci-fi/Horror genre. Join us on the sofa as we take a look at some real shockers in Molly does Mollywood.


  1. Best Supporting Caterpillars. BOL!
    Mommy rarely watches movies but the last one she watched was Horrible Bosses which was exactly that. HORRIBLE.


    You hit it on the head with your very fist entry here: ED WOOD. Funny however, how BAD can be addicting for some, and be successful. I am finding that to be true of our culture these days, that if it is bad, silly, ridiculous (I am talking television), then it is deemed as successful.

    As for movies, I think you pretty much gave us a good collection of bad films. There are so many of them out there, that I will leave it to YOU with the good sniffer, to sniff out the good, the bad and the UGLY!

    teehee...this is fun!

  3. BOL! I was just trying to remember the name of the last horrific movie I saw and The Furries of Whisppy said it - Horrible Bosses - OMD! BOL! It was one of the worst movies I've ever seen - nothing butt bad acting, a stupid plot and lots and lots of four letter words. Horrific!

    I am fortunate not to have seen any of the films in your Turkey awards with the exception of Mommie Dearest and yes, coat hangers were forever viewed as evil after that Hardy Har har

    Luved your reviews - too hilarious! You'd make a great movie critic Molly of Mollywood :D

    Waggin at ya,

  4. Good list, but I loved Mommie Dearest. Classic. Kelly Clarkson is a huge talent, (I would never call her z-list). Her record company made her make that crappy movie. She is a singer/songwriter not an actress for sure. I was surprised you did not list Xanadu....a truly bad

  5. hahaha"at the Madonna School of Acting" - you are great Molly ;o)the real turkey for me was highschool musical - that's a no-go ;o)

  6. Hi Molly!! Thank you for coming back to our bloggy! Mom loves class films so much and we've only heard about good ones. Now we now the reality... hehehe. Thanks for your cool review. We love it!

    Momo & Pinot xoxo

  7. Hilarious. I'm looking forward to the Oscars and as a bonus, I don't have to work on Monday. That's the first time that's ever happened, so I can stay up late, guilt-free.

  8. Those are definitely some awful doozies! Fortunately I haven't seen but one or two of them! However, I have wasted my life on other horrible time-wasters. There is plenty of trash that comes out of!

  9. I haven't seen any of those movies Molly, and I think that is probably a good thing!

  10. The only one we have seen is Over Her Dead Body.
    We agree that it was bad.
    Luv Ruby & Penny

  11. That is quite the list, my friend....

  12. OK I will admit my MOM saw Howard the Duck. But the rest thankfully we have not seen, thankfully.

  13. Woof! Woof! My mom never heard of this movies. Did not realized that madonna made a movie. Interesting. Lots of Golden Woofs, Sugar

  14. Oh Molly you have done it again. My mom had a serious case of the giggles while reading your post today. We can't wait to see what you have in store for tomorrow.


  15. Oh mommie dearest lol... My mom used to joke about that movie all the time! I had never heard of Hottie or Nottie... go figure it would star Paris. Sounds like she made a real "winner" there.

  16. Molly you are the best roving reporter and you find the best stories.

    Many years ago Pulp Fiction won all kinds of awards and oscars so my peeps went to see it..not knowing too much about it. OH MY WORD mom said she was appalled at the movie, the content those who voted for it should be a shamed. Another was Deliverance
    Hugs Madi your BFFF

  17. haven't seen any of them but have seen them talked about. :)

  18. Our pawrents only saw one of those and totally agree with your assessment. maybe Hollywood just needs to start checking in with you Molly before they spend zillions of dollars making a movie!

    Your Pals,

    Murphy & Stanley
    Online Doods

  19. You are hilarious Mollywood
    Benny & Lily

  20. BOL, my daddy had fond memories of Howard the Duck having seen it when he was little, so a few weeks ago he decided to watch it on netflix. he had to turn it off within 5 minutes it was soooo bad!

  21. OH MOLLY... you say the GREATEST thingys... No One on our hill has seen ANY of these movies.. NOW we are REALLY glad that we Didn't.

  22. Mollywood! You crack me up!
    Play bows,

  23. Hi Molly,

    That was Great, all those Turkeys, but without the gravy, I am a big big fan of POINTLESS the quiz show and thanks to you I'm entering because you've got some many pointless answers I,m sure to win!

  24. Olá Molly....
    SAUDADES de voce amiga querida.
    Muito bom saber que não esqueceu de mim.
    fiquei feliz, porque também não esqueci de voce.
    fique com Deus. Amei seu post de filmes. Muito legal.
    Beijos e Aus das amigas do Brasil...


  25. Wow, those are quite the turkeys. Mom said that she forgot about some of those.

  26. Mollywood - love it!
    We haven't seen any of those films, we did read a couple of them were terrible though so we are glad we didn't.
    Dip Bridge and Elliot x

  27. OK, here goes, 5 of them we never heard of, the other five were trash, but we do give Pluto Nash the best of the worst!

    Our choice, any movie with Paris Hilton, Madonna and movies with any counrty/western singer, cause they suck as actors

    Your Pals
    susie & Bites

  28. The piano had to be the worst movie I can remember seeing. Harvey Keitel, full frontal nudity I had to pour bleach in my eyes because the horrific image was burned on my retinas.

  29. I'm wondering how someone can get killed by an ice sculpture - but I'm probably not curious enough to watch the film to find out!

  30. wow you put some super bad ones there that we had totally forgotten about!

  31. Don't think SHE's seen any of those....of course, SHE doesn't see many of the Oscar winners either.

    XXXOOO Daisy, Bella & Roxy

  32. ooooh we can't wait for the Sci Fi post! We can honestly say we've newver seen a single one of those films listed above (MOL!). oops, we hear the snow blower starting up....

  33. WOAH Molly, those are a lot of movies in Mollywood. Must be getting ready for the Oscars!

  34. Our Lady has scene 2 of those movies, she won't say which ones. Lee and Phod who would make a great movie

  35. Ai ai Molly! Passei um tempo fora e já estava com saudades das suas postagens! Adoro!!!!

    beijos e linda sexta-feira pra você!!!!

  36. Molly....
    I've been a stranger in these parts of Blogville--again!!--it feels so good to be back!! ;-D
    Crack. Me. Up!! I loved your part on Paris Hilton.... She is, like, one of my least favorite, uh, "celebrities" ever!! ;op
    Love, Raelyn.... Plus Rose, my BEAUTIFULLY UNIQUE "Mystery Dog"!!

  37. Well, I'm delighted to say that I have seen none of the above. Whew! Sad to hear there's a downer of an Eddie Murphy film. He's usually quite funny. Will have to keep a list of these as a reminder of what never to watch.

  38. Hilarious - some of the titles of these movies are warning enough not to go any further!

  39. Our Mama will only admit to seeing one of those movies. Worse yet she thought it was kind of funny. Nope we aren't telling (quack, quack).

    Cindi Lou & The Kitty Krew

  40. Molly you did pick some stinkers. Mommy can think of more to add like Xanadu, but of course we could go on and on. You made a respectable stinkfest.

    Loveys Sasha

  41. You sure picked some of the worst..LOL, all behind Molly, sorry for being so late :) xx00xx

    Mollie and Alfie

  42. Molly, we're happy to report we've managed to avoid all of those! The original version of Swept Away (1974) was an excellent film. Glad I didn't see the remake.

    Susan and Wrigs