Saturday 16 June 2012

Piffle Prize, Poison Pen Awards 2!

Molly The Wallys' Piffle Prize, Poison Pen Awards

Mollys' funny alternative Nursery Rhymes.


A new campaign has been launched to save traditional British rhymes and songs amid fears they are dying out. The push follows sanitised, more upbeat versions of classic nursery rhymes, including Humpty Dumpty, being taught to children. In one updated version the hero didn't have a great fall but instead bungee jumped. We are awarding this story, the second of our ‘Piffle Prize, Poison Pen Awards’ for ridiculous stories! Shock horror, I have to report that Humpty Dumpty wasn’t even an egg but a cannon and therefore no chicken related product was harmed in the writing of this nursery rhyme. We have asked guest reporter Quentin Tourettetinno to give us his top ten politically incorrect nursery rhymes.

Starting a numero uno is.......

1 Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses,
And all the kings' men.
Had scrambled eggs,
For breakfast again.

2 There was a little girl who had a little curl right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad...
She got a fur coat, diamonds, a sports car and an uptown apartment.

3 Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two chunks of bread.


 
4 Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Eating her keards and whey,
along came a spider and sat down beside her,
and she ate that too!


 
5 Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He got a black eye to his dismay!


6 Hey diddle, diddle,
The cat did a piddle,
All over the bedside clock.
The little dog laughed to see such fun
Then died of an electric shock.

7 1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
1000 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall
And if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall...
There'll be no sticks of dynamite and no bl##@y wall!

8 My Bonnie leaned over the gastank,
The height of its contents to see!
She lighted a match better to see,
O, bring back my Bonnie to me!

9 Little Willy used to drink,
But he shall drink no more,
For what he thought was H20
Was H2So4.

And at number 10 pop pickers......

10 Three fried mice,
Three fried mice,
Were rather stunned!
They all ran after
The gangster’s wife,
Who blew off their heads
In the dead of night,
Did you ever see
Such a grisly sight
For three fried mice?

And Happy Official Birthday to Maj from us all!


36 comments:

  1. Oh wow, you did a great job updating the rhymes. I love it !
    Happy belated birthday Meg.

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    1. Hi Brad , I shall pass on your kind comment to our guest reporter Mr.Quentin Tourettetinno. I am sure he will be really pleased. Have a lovely weekend!
      Best wishes Molly

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  2. Some of those were hysterical. Those glasses really suit you!

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    1. Thank you Yogi and those are my serious , I am an intellectual glasses. Hope you are having a good start to the weekend!
      Best wishes Molly

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  3. BOL!! Your nursery rhyme remakes are very funny. Now, what is this about Humpty Dumpty bungee jumping?! How weird. Have a good weekend.
    Smooches from pooches,
    BRD & Hootie

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    1. BRD & Hootie , tell me about it , bungee jumping , stupid or what and isn't that supposed to be dangerous? Surprised the 'Elf & Safety' lot haven't wadded in with their size tens to have their say. Have a lovely weekend!
      Best wishes Molly

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  4. Brilliant. That is about all I can say MIZ MOLLY for you are one intellectual dog and a great friend. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR THE SUNSHINE AWARD!!!!! I shall cherish the gesture...sending you squeezes and love! I gotta show my husband this post......

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    1. Hi Anita , thank you for your kind comments and again I will pass the comments onto Mr. Quentin Tourettetinno who I am sure will be mighty pleased. Pleasure re Sunshine Award as you know we always love your blog and Hi to Hubby!
      Best wishes Molly

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  5. Hi Molly, you did make me laugh :) I;m new on the block, so still very wet behind my perfect ears. Nice if we could be friends, I need some intelligent conversation.
    Have a great weekend.
    Princess Mollie x

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    1. Hi Princess Mollie , nice to see you and of course we shall be friends. Hope you find your blogging feet , just take your time and have fun! Have a lovely weekend and drop us a comment anytime!
      Best wishes Molly

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  6. BOL! I like the Mary had a little lamb one. Made me chuckle real hard!

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    1. Hi Finn , me too, trouble is in between chucking, all I could see were lamb sandwiches and gosh that was making me hungry. Have a great weekend.
      Best wishes Molly

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  7. OMD! I just gotta tell ya.... This morning Mommy had to wake Muffin up and she was rubbing her belly in bed reciting Georgie Porgie. And this all happened BEFORE she read your blog. Me think Mommy has ESP!

    Happy fake birthday to the Maj!

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    1. Hi Lily Belle , how spooky is that......must be ESP indeed or your mum might be a one of those people who can see the future? Have a great weekend.
      Best wishes Molly

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    1. Hi Sam and thank you and you and yours have a good weekend with lots of fun stuff going on.
      Best wishes Molly

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  9. Molly, thanks for the great chuckles this morning. You did superbly well.

    Hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

    Wools - The OP Pack

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    1. Hi Woos, thank you kindly and you all have a woofingly good weekend too!
      Best wishes Molly

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  10. Trouble is I can still remember the original versions...

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    1. Hi Ann , I have to say I struggled to remember some of them but wow you have a good memory. Have a grand time this weekend.
      Best wishes Molly

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  11. You are a card Molly, hehe! Deccy x

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    1. Thank you Deccy and have good weekend without any Mr whippy Wars!
      Best wishes Molly

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  12. Ha ha, thanks for a good morning chuckle!

    Wyatt

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    1. Pleasure and we are always glad to bring a smile to the face of any living being. Try and have a restful Sunday and not too much vermin hunting!
      Best wishes Molly

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  13. Hi Y'all,

    All I can say is BOL! Good job!

    How y'all doin'? Just stoppin' by to see how y'all are. Hope y'all are enjoying a fantastic weekend.

    Y'all come by now,
    Hawk aka BrownDog

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    1. Hi Hawk , thank you and hope you too are having a stonkingly good weekend! We pooped by yesterday to let you know we gave you a Sunshine Award. Pop over to my post Sunshine Award and it's all there!
      Best wishes Molly

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  14. Molly they were great :D Number 6 is our favourite which made Mum spit tea all over the laptop! What will this nanny state think of next, we despair.
    Dip Bridge and Elliot x

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    1. Hi Dip Bridge and Elliot thank you for your kind comments. I have no words to say with regards to these politically correct morons. It just beggar's belief. Have great Sunday!
      Best wishes Molly

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  15. Howdy Molly, hehehehe, that was good. We love your new rhymes better than the old ones although we have always had a soft spot for Humpty Dumpty. We've another rhyme they used to sing at our human siblings kindy (long before political correctness got in the way).
    Row, row, row, your boat
    gently down the stream
    push the teacher overboard
    listen to her scream.
    Hope your weekend is great. No worries, and love, Stella and Rory

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    1. Hi Stella and Rory , thank as always for popping by and also for your very funny contribution. I hadn't heard that one before but I bet you can still remember the teacher you sung it about? Have a lovely Sunday and Happy Daddy's Day!
      Best wishes Molly

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  16. I had to read them out loud for my beau to listen to. Our personal favorite was about Mary's little lamb.

    Have a great weekend Molly!

    Huggies and Cheese,

    Haopee

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    1. Haopee , I think Mary's lamb maybe a top fav one and glad to see we all still keep it real unlike those politically correct dim-wits. Have a great Sunday!
      Best wishes Molly

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  17. These nursery rhymes are hilarious! They are WAY better than the originals. ;)

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    1. Hi Thank you Dusty and Co and we hope you have a woofingly wonderful Sunday!
      Best wishes Molly

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  18. Molly you are such a talented lyricist! I'm impressed, looks like you've been working hard!

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    1. Hi Betty and so glad you enjoyed the little poems. Hope you and yours are well! Have a good day now!
      Best wishes Molly

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