Dog House Blog, Breaking News, Breaking Bad!

Over to New Zealand today where Channel 3 was reporting on a bull mastiff called Bruno who attacked the tyres on two police cars. Having no footage available they resorted to the following rubbish awful graphic reenactment. 

Have a tremendous Thursday all and to New Zealand Channel 3 we say.......

Pigs Will Fly On Tasty Tuesday!

Sometimes you just couldn't make it up like when a woman named Crispi tried to burn down her ex-boyfriend's home using bacon. Early this March police were called by the former boyfriend of Cameo Crispi after she had inundated him with text messages and phone calls. He pleaded with the officers to remove her from his Utah home. On arrival Crispi answered the door and the officers saw smoke billowing out of the residence. They asked to come in and observed a wood stove left open with a fire burning inside and hot coals on the floor around the stove. There was also a pound of bacon sitting on a sheet of baking paper which was severely burned and smoking badly. The policeman took preventative action and arrested pig-sick Crispi, who was needless to say as drunk as a skunk. This ham-fisted attempt to burn the house down got Crispi charged with arson, burglary, assault by a prisoner, interfering with an arresting officer, electronic communication harassment and intoxication.

We dedicate this story to the one and only Bacon over at Pig Love. Despite the date it is actually true. Happy April Fool's Day to you all.

Dog House Blog, To Catch A Thief!

If you stole Tim Lakes' Amazon package, you aren't getting away with it. Well not without being ridiculed. Friday afternoon, a security camera at the 29 year-olds' Arcadia, Arizona home captured an unidentified woman walking into his yard and making off with said parcel. Lake learned about the incident later that night, and got to work making up a flyer that he hoped would help catch the perp.

The flyer, notes that the culprit is either a woman or Dog The Bounty Hunter who has really let himself go. He lists the package snatchers' nationality as Un-American, and her distinguishing marks as shameful and mocks her super awkward running style. Her weight is stated as 600 pounds LOL. Lake said, 'I figured if you steal from me, I have the right to make fun of you.' So far, he hasn't received any helpful tips, but says that his neighbors have been really supportive and the flyers have actually led to him making new friends in the neighborhood. While the theft left Lake out $22, he says that the national attention the flyer has received makes it worth it for the entertainment, and that Green Mountain Coffee has mailed him a replacement batch. It is only a matter of time before the perp is identified. We think she may just get her just deserts (or did I mean desserts)??????? 

Have a super Saturday all. Lastly Happy Birthday sweet smiling Sugar. We wish you the best of days.

Dog House Blog, Sniffin Out The Mad & Bad!

Molly The Wallys’ Top Ten Items Confiscated By Customs From Around The World!

Recently tens of thousands of shrink wrapped insects, stuffed into four hessian bags, were found in the luggage of a 22-year-old man who had travelled from Burkina Faso, in west Africa. The man claimed the 94kg of caterpillars were for ‘personal consumption’ but as the insects breached controls on the importation of products of animal origin they were destroyed. So after we had a look at Playmobils’ Security Check Point (here) we thought we’d take a look at some of the more bizarre things our snouts have sniffed out. 

Fancy a bit of DIY? Well why not try the coke door? A wooden door, imported from Mexico and containing about 11 pounds of cocaine, and was seized by Australian Customs officials in Sydney.

Have you got any change? A passenger from Korea was stopped by officials at John F. Kennedy airport after it emerged that he was carrying two 100,000 dollar bills. Bad research on his behalf as the notes were only printed in 1934 and never entered into general circulation.

Less potato more Mr.Potatoecstasy! The toy containing 293 grams of ecstasy was seized by Australian Customs at a mail center in Sydney. The parcel was posted from Ireland so maybe they should have tried a leprechaun?

Less Luger more Krueger! Over at Coventry airport, customs officials once intercepted a pair of Freddy Krueger style claws and it wasn’t even Halloween.

Eye, eye, eye what have we got here? One of the most bizarre items ever to be seized at customs was found at Stansted Airport and comprised of 10 human eye balls floating in a jam jar.

The Mask! No, not the movie. Illegal weapons are often confiscated items at Customs, but not always with such ridiculous masks which were seized by the Swiss border control.

That must have fashion garment ‘The Pigeon Pants’? Live pigeons were stuffed into the tights of a man, at Melbourne International Airport. He was a carrier pigeon or saw it a stool pigeon?  

The Real drug mule! One of 200 cement yard statues shaped like a donkey seized by U.S. Customs. The culprits were jailed for just being an ass!

Something fishy going on! A woman on a flight from Singapore to Melbourne had 51 live tropical fish hidden in a specially designed apron under her skirt. Customs officers became suspicious after hearing strange noises coming from the vicinity of her waist. 

Stick em up! A gun totting stuffed armadillo was sent to Australia from Texas as a gift but it was confiscated for breaching Australia's strict laws on wildlife importation. Bad taste should have been enough of a reason not allowing it into the country!

Have you ever sniffed out anything bizarre?

Dog House Blog, Less Po-Po More Pom-Pom!

Leicester Police Find New Way To Be Tough On Crime!

After yesterdays’ post with regards to those cool toys from Playmobil we think the whole Toy-Town concept has gone to our polices’ heads. Police officers spent hours hanging knitted pom-poms from trees in a bizarre bid to reduce the fear of crime in Leicester. Rather than going after criminals the local constabulary felt that a little tree art was more appropriate. We were surprised our Health & Safety spoilsports allowed them to climb the ladders. Residents around Bede Park in Leicester say they want more street lighting and CCTV cameras after a survey found people living there felt more at risk than anywhere else in the city. What they got were a load of fluffy balls to make them smile and supposedly induce feelings of security. But locals dubbed it the worst crime fighting idea ever. I was really worried about this countrys’ rapid descent into lawlessness but now I've seen these fluffy pom-poms I am secure in the knowledge that we are tough on crime. Maybe they have been trying to catch a cat burglar in the area? Gives a whole new meaning to ‘The Policemans’ Ball’! Leicestershire Police said guerrilla knitting is one of a number of ideas that is being looked at to reduce the fear of crime in the area. Go grab a guerilla and get your knitting needles out folks and remember let’s be safe out there.

Blog From The Bog, Running out of toilet roll?

Police reveal some of the ridiculous calls people make to emergency number in 2012.

Now Blogville has a new police station thanks to our Chief of Pawlice Sarge we thought we’d take a look some of the frivolous 999 calls made to a police force in 2012. Unnecessary calls included reporting a leak in a bathroom and someone wanting a lift home on Christmas Day.  Greater Manchester Police also reported a call regarding a marmalade theft and a plea to reveal a TV soap program plotline. One entry on the police log noted that they had received a 999 call from a male saying he has run out of toilet roll. On Christmas Day, police received a call from man outside Exeter police station asking for a lift back to Crediton. He told the operator he had spent all his money and could not get back home. Another example was of a woman who had been trying to contact her local Chinese takeaway. She called the emergency number to ask if they knew if the takeaway had closed down or moved. Another member of the public called the emergency services to say that her electricity had gone out and could they help sort it out. She would not believe that the police did not deal with electrical matters. A man rang to ask for the phone number of a plumber as he had come home to find he had a leak in the bathroom. Then there was the angry dad who called the emergency services to report his teenage son for refusing to go to bed. The schoolboy, was playing on his games console at midnight and would not switch it off and get some sleep. Others included a man who contacted emergency services asking how to send a fax , a job seeker who wanted police to type up a CV for him and a man who rang at 4.30am to check the score in a recent Middlesbrough FC football game. The best one was a call asking for a paramedic to take a dogs’ temperature. Beats going to the dogtor if you ask me. Have a good day and Hey, let's be careful out there!

Now Sarge has organized the Blogville Sled Day. Just leave a comment on their blog to say you’d like to join in and send an email to lfurman1987ATyahooDOTCOM and include your picture, name, blog addy, and requested sled style. It is goona be Epic! I have requested anything that goes on mud! Huh wonder why? Sarge again is Here!

Such a pity we missed so many of these but today we bring you nos 24 of 30 days of 30 nose portraits by Sheila at Sheila Wedegis. Hey and guess who it is today? Misaki! Even better if we submit our noses Sheila will continue to paint nose portraits into February. How cool is that? It is free and you all you need to do is send your photo to sophieATpalm-spiritDOTcom and just just check the web site for when it is done. You may post your own portraits on your blogs and Sheilas' link is above. Who nose what yours will look like??? Come one you nose it makes sense?

Blog From The Dog House, Smart Phone Dumb Owner!

Burglar mistakes video camera for a torch and filmed his raid.

A burglar was caught red-handed after accidentally filming a break in on his mobile phone. He had thought he had switched on a torch on his iPhone during the night-time burglary but mistakenly recorded the raid on its camera device. Judge John Potter was told that the defendant still protested his innocence despite the irrefutable evidence. Still protesting his innocence despite video proof? Would you say he is Britain's dumbest criminal. No unfortunately we can do better! How about the  thick burglar who was jailed for six years after leaving his passport, mobile and keys at his place of work ie the poor persons house. His abandoned backpack also contained his mug-shot on a prison ID card, his birth certificate and a tenancy agreement with his signature. He has got to be one of the UK’s dumbest crooks. But the best has to be the teenager who has been dubbed Britain’s stupidest burglar after he stole from his next door neighbour. He was caught minutes later when his victim looked across his lawn and saw the thief wearing his jumper and jeans and tuning his flatscreen TV. The police, who were able to recover most of the stolen belongings including the 42-inch telly, Sky HD box, a Freeview box and camera. Other items stolen included jewellery, an iPod, a shaving set, an alarm clock, CDs, DVDs, Christmas presents including children’s toys and cash including £100 in banknotes and even took a cider bottle filled with five pence coins worth around £60. Who says crime pays?

If you missed yesterdays edition of Dogton Abbey scroll down or click on the picture on the right.

Dog House Blog, Daylight Robbery!

Bizarre objects Stolen from the Police.

After the theft of PC Bobb we thought we would have a look at some bizarre objects that have been stolen from under the very noses of our beloved constabulary. We have the case of the Northumbria force who logged the loss of £40 worth of clay pigeons and a 50pence toilet roll. Other unusual items pilfered were, a prayer mat, taken from an Essex Police station, a £45 wheelie bin, from Cumbria and an A to Z of Rochdale, from Greater Manchester. Surely the A to Z just got lost! Cornwall Police reported stolen, three teddy bears, make-up and a 13ft boat and a trailer. Also listed is the theft of ice cream, syrup and rolls belonging to the force. North Yorkshire Police had a £10 doorbell stolen. It was not clear whether the bell was unscrewed by the thief from the front door of the police station itself. Lancashire Police recorded a stolen hairbrush and a strimmer and seized alcohol were stolen, along with two cardboard cut outs of officers. In Gwent a set of blinds, tea cloths, a gas cooker and £18 worth of beer went walkabout. We didn’t realise Puddles was over here on holiday! But the creme de la creme has to be the two officers were stunned to find that an intruder had broken into their police station and helped himself to some Weetabix. Less Goldilocks more  big bear! Was he a cereal offender? Thus the loss of PC Bobb seems to be just the tip of a very large iceberg. 

Blog From The Dog House, PC Bobb Is Missing!

PC Bobb The Cardboard Cop is stolen!

We are shocked to report that a cardboard policeman used as a crime prevention aid has been stolen from a supermarket. PC Bobb a real life sized figure stood six feet tall and was placed in a local store to deter shoplifters. He was stolen last Saturday evening in Barnsley. The shops’ spokesman said, "It is bizarre that someone would want to steal our cardboard copper PC Bobb. We'd got used to having him being around and we hope he is returned in one piece.” Has our copper come a cropper? Unfortunately, if a shopper walked by too briskly and created a slight breeze, he'd be on his back in no time. He's also apparently very easy to pick up and take home. Looks like this is true as since then he has appeared on many social networking sites after being photographed attending various parties. I mean this is a serious matter, it ain’t funny so give it arrest! The cut-outs were hoped to boost public confidence, deter criminals and make the police more approachable. Greater Manchester Police claimed the presence of a cardboard policeman at a store in Leigh had cut shoplifting by 75 per cent. However in 2010 Essex Police abandoned a £2000 scheme of 20 cardboard police officers dotted around after they were stolen. I wonder whether there might have ever been a ransom demand? Maybe a cardboard ear was sent in the post? Members of the public claimed they were a waste of funds and placed the police at risk of ridicule. An Essex Police spokesman said: "The trial of the cardboard police officers shows they had very little effect on crime or antisocial behaviour and we will not be continuing with their use." Anyway who wants a cardboard cut-out when you can have the real thing! Maybe he’s been nabbed by ‘Flat Max over at Max The Quilt Cat!

With Halloween coming up we have opened the Spooky Gallery. To join just pop over to Mollie & Alfie leave a comment asking to be Spookified and they will showcase the Phantom Booth each day. We will then post them on our Spooky Gallery (last tab on the right) which will be updated daily with the newest entries first. Let’s get in the mood for Halloween pups and kits! Tell your friends as everyone is welcome. Who is in the gallery today?

Bark From The Park, The Coronation Chicken Challenge!

The Coronation Chicken can be quite a challenge!

I could smell it long before I could see it and to be honest putting it on a picnic blanket in the middle of the park was a temptation I could not resist. Thus the challenge was to creep up and pounce on the chicken and eat it as quickly as possible without getting caught. Now for those of you unawares I have several ASBO’s (anti-social-barking-orders) under my belt already and a rather long rap sheet! Therefore ‘The Coronation Chicken Challenge’ needed to be executed with maximum efficiency and with minimum detection. Unfortunately in mid devour, I had my collar felt and before you could say ‘Chicken Lickin Good’ I was apprehended by the long arm of the law. Her Majesty’s Constabulary kept me on a short leash while they tried to find my human. Eventually I was released after a verbal warning and when my human had purchased some replacement nibbles and an expensive bottle of wine in lieu of an apology. With my reputation in tatters and my human considerably poorer we headed home. I am currently penning this from the dog-house with only my remorse for company!

The Park What A Lark

Chasing Squirrels.

With great dexterity managed to evade capture by my human whilst chasing squirrels yet again. Was feeling pretty pleased with myself and didn’t notice a large crowd gathering. I was so intent on my mission I failed to spot that trouble was brewing.  It took three of her Majesty’s Constabulary to eventually capture me to a great round of applause from the public. Sulked all the way home! Don’t they know squirrel chasing is not a spectator sport?

The Chase Game!

O Molly the Wally from a distance I see
That squirrels to you are not good company
Their big bushy tails cause you to give chase
Thank God for the trees they can climb and embrace
As they sit up the tree and torment you some more
You suddenly realise the chase ended in a draw

Penned by May

Thank You Molly

More The Park ‘Fair Cop Guv’.

Molly The Wally tries for Special Patrol with the Police.

Shock, horror, my application to join ‘The Special Patrol’ has been rejected. It would appear that the criminal records check showed up a whole list of my misdeemeanours. Ranking number one was the incident with the crumpled poop bin when I was unfairly branded a hooligan and cautioned for reckless endangerment. This was followed closely by numerous reports about Molly the unruly canine having to be apprehended after running amok in the park for hours on end. I am very upset and have written a strongly worded complaint to Bernard Hogan-Howe head of ‘The Metropolitan Police’. I have insisted that my records be expunged forthwith and that my job application should be reconsidered. Also added that in these testing times they should take all the help they can get.

The Park ‘Fair Cop Guv!’

Eureka Moment, if you can;t beat them join them.

My continuing association with members of Her Majesty’s Constabulary has led me to the notion that if you can’t beat them, join them. Therefore have applied to join ‘The Special Patrol’ and have offered my services with regards to eradication of vermin for a small fee.  This may seem a bit like poacher turned game keeper to you? I figured that by legitimising my hunting activity being apprehended by the long arm of the law would become a thing of the past. The fact that Heather who is four years old thinks my disguise is rubbish had nothing to do with it. PC Molly The Wally will be reporting for duty shortly.

Today At The Park, Not Such A Lark!

Molly The Wally & the oversized Victoria Beckham style sunglasses.

Ventured into the park today, in disguise due to having been recently apprehended by Her Majesty’s Constabulary.  Suffering for bark block so unable to continue writing my memoirs.  Very apprehensively approached the woods and kept one beady eye out for PC Plod whilst scanning the horizon for potential vermin to chase.  Major obstacle, the view was badly obscured by my oversized Victoria Beckham style sunglasses. To make matters worse scarf got caught in tree branch and I nearly did unto myself an Isadora Duncan. Somebody please design celebrity hunting attire urgently!!!!!! Victoria are you free?  

The Park & An Arresting Incident!

Molly The Wally gets arrested on the park for having a lark.

Imagine my consternation at being apprehended by Her Majesty’s Constabulary last week after running amuck around the park for two hours chasing squirrels. My human exasperated by my antics decided that I would be disowned and left me to deal with the policeman on my own. This is of course is not the first time I have had dealings with members of the Metropolitan Police. I am still traumatised after the charges of reckless endangerment, although later dropped, were posted all over the park. The damage to the bikes and the crumpled poop bin were not my doing although I admit I was in the vicinity. Being branded a hooligan is very unfair. I managed to eventually escape the policeman vice like grip by wriggling free and with head hung low trotted off back to my human. I will in future go to the park incognito by dressing in suitable disguise.