Dog House Blog Homeland Security 10 Top Tips.

Molly The Wallys' Top Ten Homeland Security Tips.

As all of you are aware I take my ‘Homeland Security’ duties very seriously and thus I impart to you my top tips at keeping your domain safe and your humans and furry friends protected.

10 Spy dogs select your vantage point with care and remember the number one objective of a spy is to blend in. You’ll know if you have succeeded if a passer-by jumps out of their skin when you bark at them.

9 Less gear means better mobility, so carry only essential items vital to your operation and survival. I suggest a bottle of water and some snacks. Remove your dog collar if it has an identity tag, remember you are under deep cover.

8 Learning how to eavesdrop will help you gather intelligence in even the trickiest places. You were born with super hearing so use it. Conceal the fact that you’re listening by pretending to be asleep or just look like you are having a good groom. Keep a note of what you hear as it may be used as evidence later.

7 If you are out and about, there may be too much noise, so reading lips can give you a huge eavesdropping advantage. You may even be able to follow distant conversations using pair of binoculars. This works particularly well when spying on the neighbours.

6 Learning how to lie and how to detect lies is vital for ‘Homeland Security’. People who lie usually look shifty and tend not to be able to look you in the eye. Practice staring and learn to sniff out sweaty nervous individuals.

5 People are often on the move so learn how to tail people. Always have a backup plan if you’re observed. Keep objects such as poop bins, trees and other humans in your trajectory so that you can hide behind if spotted.

4 The best covert work takes place under cover of darkness, so be sure you can actually see what’s going on. Invest in night goggles or an infra-red camera and make sure you eat plenty of carrots. 

3 A spy will always need to be on their toes and spying can be quite an exhausting occupation so keep yourself in tip top condition. Walking and running long distances will keep you fit and help you stay alert. Sleeping on the job is unacceptable and you may miss something exciting.

2 Learn the habits and routines of anyone you are spying on as this will help you anticipate their next move. Therefore you should know what time the mail comes, what day the bins are emptied and any such other regular activity that goes on, in your patch.

1 Most importantly when sounding the alarm make sure everybody can hear you. Practice barking regularly and try different pitches to see which ones are responded to with most fear. Growl like you mean it and make sure this accompanied by fearless stance and terrifying stare.

Learn to think on your feet, be resourceful, be inventive, be creative and keep your home and love ones safe at all times.