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Hilarious Amazon Food Reviews. A dead Rabbit and Tuscan milk!

Today we thought we’d have a look at a topic close to our hearts, food. Now that many of you have your own credit cards we thought we’d give you a couple of items you might want to purchase and of course some serious customer reviews from Amazon.

Fresh Whole Rabbit

By XXX

I know what it is like to be a feral dog!

Like many suburban homeowners, I like to kill and eat the wild animals that populate my backyard. To keep it sporting, I hunt naked, with my teeth and long sharpened fingernails as my only weapons. I've feasted on squirrel, raccoon, vole and numerous songbirds. But no matter how long I lay spread eagle and motionless in the hot noonday sun, I have never been able to outwit and catch any of the plump and juicy rabbits that hop just outside my reach and then bolt for the woods when I leap forward with a blood-curdling shriek. I have chased them at a dead run through the yards of the many unoccupied homes that surround mine but the pursuit always ends in frustration. But no more, thanks to Amazon. Every week, I order a fresh whole rabbit and affix it to a remote control car that is operated by one of my children. This way, I get the thrill of the hunt, and when the car's batteries are exhausted, I can leap upon it, bury my teeth into the rabbit's soft flesh and perform my ritual victory dance right there in the Walgreen's parking lot. 

By XXX

On Buying A Gift!

I always buy gifts on Amazon, and am usually not disappointed. My son said that he wanted a rabbit for his 5th birthday, but started crying when I gave this to him. I'm not sure what his issue was, as this was high-quality meat. I can only assume he was disappointed that it wasn't larger.

By XXX

Lenny liked it!

As Lenny sat on the hillside, we could hear the dogs baying in the distance. He looked across the fields with that big goofy grin of his and said "Tell me about the Tuscan Whole Milk again, George"! So I shot him.

By XXX

Ode to Tuscan Whole Milk!

Because I could not stop for milk,

It kindly came to me.

I ordered it through Amazon,

Whole milk; sweet Tuscany.

The driver, though, he knew no haste,

No Expediter, he!

The wait: Four days, and weekend, too.

It seemed eternity.

My milk, it passed through NYC

Where traffic snarled in rings,

Slow past the fields of grazing cows

Who nodded knowingly.

Its expiration date passed, too;

And though the truck was chill,

Vile germs digested lactose sweet

And had their gruesome fill.

It paused before my house at last,

(By USPS Ground)

My gallon jug; 128 ounce

Though oddly swollen `round.

My joy is dashed! My hope denied!

Alas, milk lacks the power

To strive towards immortality:

My Tuscan milk's gone sour. 

Speaking of things Tusacn we have a book to pass on. Todo In Tuscany was sent to us by the wonderful Misaki (here) last Christmas. 

We pick day 3 from last week and comment number 23. That means the book goes to........Something Wagging! We will pop in the post and if you could be so kind as to pass it on when you have finished.